Friday, May 05, 2006

JUAN COLE: THE LOST TRANSCRIPT

Following this critique by Hitchens and this toys and pram moment from Juan Cole (via DSTPFW), comes this from the supersleuthing Iowahawk. The first draft of Cole's response to Hitchens - it's amazing what you can find if you root round inside dustbins:
I'd like to take this opportunity to complain about the profoundly dishonest character of "attack journalism." Journalists are supposed to interview the subjects about which they write, not hound them endlessly, anonymously, in their chat rooms and checkout lanes. Mr. Hitchens never contacted me about this piece. He never sought clarification of anything. He never asked permission to quote my private mail. Worse, he continues to taunt me from his secret hiding place in 5th floor bathroom air vents. 

Major journalists have a privileged position. Not just anyone can be published in Slate. Most academics could not get a gig there (I've never been asked to write for it, and seriously, what’s up with that shit?). Hitchens is paid to publish there because he is a prominent journalist. But then he should behave like a journalist, not like a hired gun for the far Right, smearing hapless targets of his ire, and by hapless I don’t mean me because I am totally not hapless, and have an advance degree, and serve on many important committees.

That isn't journalism. For some reason it drives the Right absolutely crazy that I keep this little web log, and so they keep trotting out these clowns in amateurish sniping attacks. It is rather sad, to look out one’s office window and see the teeming throngs of deranged rightwing crazy people, and their attack journalism sniper clowns. It is even more sad when the Dean will not approve  my request for bullet proof office glass to protect me from the armies of menacing Zionist attack clowns.

The reason for Hitchens' theft and publication of my private IM chat is that I object to the characterization of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as having "threatened to wipe Israel off the map." I object to this translation of what he said on two grounds. First, it gives the impression that he wants to play Hitler to Israel's Poland, mobilizing an armored corps to move in and kill people. Second, even if it were true, Hitchens acts like that’s bad or something.

Since Mr. Hitchens wants to splash my private IMs all over the internet against my will, just like the local Korean agents of the Bush cabal who put secret monitoring devices in my dry cleaning bags, I'm glad to share the message stream from the chat room.
Date: Sun, 23 Apr 2006 15:34:18 -0400

Ahmad_as_hell: fokkin jewz they gonna get teh nukez!!!!!!!!!!!!
PageGNHS08: lol!!! i no what u mean
PageGNHS08: the jews at GNHS totally blow up grade curve
Ahmad_as_hell: no serius i hate jewz & gt nukez yall!!
Ahmad_as_hell: I m enrichin u rannium bizitchz
Ahmad_as_hell: u r so totlly nuked jews!!!!!
PageGNHS08: whoa dude thts hardcore maybe u shld see ur school counselor
Juan_in_a_millyun: don’t be a narc page hez jst kiddin
Ahmad_as_hell: no way dude those jewz are fokkn ded forilla !!!!!
PageGNHS08: ur creepin me out we saw movie at GNHS abt columbine
PageGNHS08: im jst sayn
Juan_in_a_millyun: shutup page hez jst doin his a mad persian rhyme flow
Juan_in_a_millyun: if u narc u r totally not going to UM or nicks prom party
Maddie_Albrt: hi page!!!! Wow ur pic is so cute!!! my frnd Bill totally wants to meet u
Maddie_Albrt: he used 2 b prez of US heres his pic
PageGNHS08: eewwwwwww

Hitchens is like,  “you said that Khomeini never called for wiping Israel from the face of the map,” and I’m like, “dude I never said anything at all about Khomeini,” and he’s like “whatever.” Hitchens should please quote me on Khomeini and Israel and stop talking like he knows what I’m about, because I’m me, and he’s totally not.

Quality.

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