Friday, May 12, 2006

DEAR GEORGE...

Another gem from Iowahawk, the London bus of the blogosphere - nothing for ages, then two corkers come along at once. I can't confirm whether he's also big, red and lowers himself so that people in wheelchairs can climb on, but I'd be happy for Ken to use a small fraction of my council tax to help make the service more regular.

This time he's got his mitts on a leaked draft of Ahmadinejad's letter to George Bush:
Young people, university students and ordinary people also have many
questions about the phenomenon of Israel. I am sure you are familiar
with some of them. Questions like, "why does not this country 'Israel'
appear on the old documents and globes, or new United Nations maps?"
And, "can I take the makeup Israel quiz? It is pledge night at the
Mahdi Martyr Mahdi house."

I tell them to study the history of WWI and II. One of my students told me that after WWII, the crafty Jews claimed that six million Jews had been killed, but it was part of a Jew scheme to Jew the life insurance company. This student totally busted the grade curve, and later scored a 1600 on his Paradise Admissions Test.

Again let us go crazy here and fantasize that these events are true. Does that logically translate into the establishment of the state of Israel in the Middle East, building their humiliating Jew pizza parlors right next to the faithful?

Mr President, I am sure you and your crafty neocon accountants know at what cost Israel was established:

- Many thousands were killed in the process.

- Millions of indigenous people were made refugees.

- Whiny tourist ladies from Miami with big sunglasses.

This tragedy has been ongoing for sixty years now.

Another big question asked by people is why is this regime being supported?

Another big question asked is: how many licks does this Zionist regime take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, which has been flavored with the blood of Palestinian infants? The answer is "three," because the Zionist will cheat and bite right into to the delicious blood filling.

The newly elected Palestinian administration recently took office, and is now ordering the needed office equipments such as copiers and Successories posters and national defense martyr belts. Unbelievefully, the Israel regime have put the elected government under pressure and not given it money for toner cartridges and rifle scopes.
But Iowahawk's not the only super-sleuth on the block these days. James Lileks managed to get hold of the original letter which (of course) was never released to the press:
Dear Infidel Crusader Zionist sock-puppet Saudi-lackey depoiler of Mesopotamia woman-touching pigdog fiendish (293 words excised) Shah-licking son of a toad’s offal: I trust this finds you well. I have much on my mind, and have taken the pen to unburden my breast. I have enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope should you wish to reply.

(429 words concerning Jewish penetration of the Postal System excised)

. . . Do you not realize you are beaten, as a donkey is beaten, but knoweth not his donkeyhood is cursed? Your comics have turned against you in your own lair, and mock you without mercy. We have seen the videos of the Meal of the Correspondents, and we know how your left regards the men of the laugh as prophets and seers. It is only a matter of time before Johnny Carson (applause be upon him) returns from occlusion to request that you, Mr. President, take the Slauson cutoff, get out of your car, and cut off your Slauson, Hi-yo, salaam. And a third part of the Slauson shall be stained with the tears of the womenfolk, and (9323 words excised)

. . . Our people glow with pride over our nuclear efforts, sometimes literally. I repeat that the enrichment is for peaceful purposes only, and we seek only peace, and peace is our goal, and there is nothing more we love than peace. Except death. Sorry; forgot. Death is definitely number one. In third place of things we love, well, there were those nice ice-cream desserts they had at this little place in Tehran. When I was Mayor I had them brought in on Fridays. Good times, good times. But once I found a hair.
On a day when all our papers are plastered with stories about yesterday's 7/7 report, it's good to see some proper investigative journalism still being practised out there.

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