Friday, January 20, 2006

DEAD MAN TALKING

The War on Terror's favourite bogeyman took time out from his busy schedule to release an audio-taped message to America and her allies yesterday. It contained several golden nuggets.

Apparently on Planet Jihad:
The operations in Afghanistan are on the rise in our favour, praise be to God.
Oh really? From an ABC News poll in December:
77 percent of Afghans say their country is headed in the right direction — compared with 30 percent in the vastly better-off United States. Ninety-one percent prefer the current Afghan government to the Taliban regime, and 87 percent call the U.S.-led overthrow of the Taliban good for their country. Osama bin Laden, for his part, is as unpopular as the Taliban; nine in 10 view him unfavorably.

Progress fuels these views: Despite the country's continued problems, 85 percent of Afghans say living conditions there are better now than they were under the Taliban. Eighty percent cite improved freedom to express political views. And 75 percent say their security from crime and violence has improved as well. After decades of oppression and war, many Afghans see a better life.
Not sure which of these stats square with Osama's worldview, but then this is a man who believes the US wanted to bomb Al Jazeera's offices in Qatar.

He continues:
The argument that [Bush] avoided, which is the substance of the results of opinion polls on withdrawing the troops, is that it is better not to fight the Muslims on their land and for them not to fight us on our land.

We do not object to a long-term truce with you on the basis of fair conditions that we respect.
Here we see Osama in his newfound role as Peacemaker. Shame he doesn't outline any of his conditions, but those who have read his previous remarks will know that he's still smarting over the loss of Andalucia from the Islamic world so they could be tricky for us to implement.

Dick Cheney seems to agree:
“I’m not sure what he’s offering by way of a truce,” said Dick Cheney, the Vice-President. “I don’t think anybody would believe him. It sounds to me like it’s some kind of ploy.”
Quite. If Israel's experience of truces from the likes of Hamas are anything to go by, this offer isn't worth the C90 it was delivered on.

But here comes the real chutzpah:
In this truce, both parties will enjoy security and stability and we will build Iraq and Afghanistan, which were destroyed by the war.
Offering to rebuild Afghanistan? A country he and his fascist friends helped take back to the Dark Ages? Now that's cheek.

In the unlikely event of the West meeting his demands for a truce, presumably there'll be a few empty windows in his timetable previously set aside for masterminding terror attacks on the West.

If that's the case and he's looking to rebuild Afghanistan, how about he gets himself a nice big vat of superglue and puts back together all those Buddha statues his Taliban chums saw fit to blow up a few years back?

Should keep him off the streets for a bit.

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